Eh Kakis, you all know Tampines got one new superhero or not? No cape, no bat-mobile, but got one jialat power: a smartphone camera and a lot of free time.

According to Stomp, there’s this one legendary resident who has basically made it his life’s mission to be the ultimate kaypoh (busybody) block captain. If you do something wrong in Tampines, do not look up at the sky for a bat-signal. Just look at the corner, because this uncle is probably there, zooming in on you at 4K resolution.

What is he reporting? Everything, bro. Everything.

Most people see a wrongly parked e-scooter and they just ignore and walk away. Not our Tampines Dark Knight. He sees an e-scooter blocking the path? SNAP. Post to OneService.

He sees someone smoking under the sheltered walkway? SNAP. Report to NEA.

He sees someone throw a tissue paper on the floor? SNAP. “Hello, SPF? Someone dropped a weapon of mass littering.”

Rumor has it if your shirt color matches the HDB wall too closely, he might also report you for illegal camouflage. The man is efficient. He is faster than the town council, faster than the mata (police), and definitely faster than your girlfriend choosing what to eat for dinner.

The “Vigilante” Life

Netizens are completely split on this guy.

On one hand, some people are saying, “Wah, good job! Clean up the neighborhood!” These are probably the same people who remind the teacher to collect homework.

On the other hand, the neighbors are sweating. Imagine stepping out of your house in your most unglamorous FBT shorts and holes-in-your-singlet outfit just to buy kopi o siew dai, and suddenly you feel a chill down your spine. You look up, and the Tampines Vigilante is adjusting his camera lens. Alamak, did I accidentally step on the grass? Am I walking too fast? Is my slippers squeaking too loud?

The Kopitiam Verdict

Look, we all want a clean and safe neighborhood, but this one is next level wayang. He’s not the hero Tampines wants, and honestly, he’s probably not the hero Tampines needs—but he is definitely the hero making sure the town council officers cannot geng (slack) during their shift.

To the Tampines Vigilante: We salute your battery life and your storage space. But please, relax a bit bro. Go drink some barley water, cool down, and let us smoke our cigarette in peace (at the designated yellow box, okay, please don’t report us).

What do you guys think? Is he a model citizen or just the ultimate neighborhood snitch? Let me know in the comments below! Don’t say I never warn you, watch out for the cameras!