Wah, you hear the latest news or not? The government just release the new survey results, and everybody at the coffeeshop is scratching head until their hair drop out.

Uncle Seng almost choked on his kopi-O kosher when he read the paper. Basically, the report says Singaporeans are getting very rich. Like, crazy rich. Now, 1 in 7 households is bringing in at least $30,000 a month!

Five years ago, you tell people you make 30k a month, they ask you which illegal gambling den you run. Now? The number almost double! No wonder weekend traffic to VivoCity and Orchard Road is so bad; it’s not just normal jam, it’s a convoy of rich people rushing to spend their 30k before the 10% GST bites them.

Even the average family is apparently rolling in cash, with the median income hitting over $12,400.

But you ask Uncle Seng, he will tell you the real reason why the number so high. It’s not because everyone got promoted to CEO. It’s because nowadays, husband and wife—and maybe even the family cat—all must go out and chiong together! If only one person work, cannot survive.

Last time, working hard was to buy a condo. Nowadays, working hard is just so you can afford double-meat, double-fish cai png (economy rice) without feeling financial guilt. If you order fish without asking the price, wah, you truly arrived in life already.

The Million-Dollar Mystery: Where is the Love?

But here is the funniest contradiction in the whole survey. While everyone’s bank account is fat, the romance department is completely bankrupt.

• The Statistic: More than 70 percent of ladies in their late twenties are still single.
• The Reality: The youngsters are staying single longer than the queue for Johor Bahru customs on a long weekend.

Why? Because nobody got time! If you are working 14 hours a day to hit that 30k club, when do you have time to date? Your Tinder profile bio also become a resume: “Looking for a life partner with a minimum credit score of 800, proficient in Excel, and willing to co-sign an HDB BTO application. Serious inquiries only.”

Dating apps in Singapore don’t ask for your hobbies anymore; they just ask for your latest CPF statement.

The New Singaporean Dream: “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number, stay single until your thirties, and buy a luxury condo just to house your loneliness.”

So the conclusion is very simple. Everyone is busy chasing the paper, making big money, but nobody got time to hold hands. Next time you see your neighbor buying expensive bird’s nest and organic avocado toast at FairPrice Finest, don’t be surprised. Don’t envying them also. They probably in that 30k club—rich in cash, but spending their Friday nights swiping left on dating apps while eating cold cai png alone in their beautiful, expensive living room.

Majulah Singapura, babe!